February 2024

Last month, I published a post saying I wasn't sure if I would come back for the update. Well, I'm here! I do really enjoy writing when I sit down and do it, so perhaps these updates can be a concrete part of my schedule to keep writing. If I write other things in between, so be it, but at least these updates can be the stake in the ground.

I previously mentioned my plan to bribe my friend with the chance to acquire free money if I fucked up. I'm happy to report that the motivation worked. I woke up on time to drive over to his house first thing in the morning and did a weigh in. Since January 12, I have lost 3.5kg. That's about 7.5lbs in 22 days. A third of a pound per day is no small feat! If my Google-fu is accurate, that's about a net 1200 calorie deficit per day.

Now, for a dude my size, that's not really a large gap. I think it's eating somewhere around 1800 calories per day? Idk, because I don't track my calories anywhere near that strictly. For the folks with an excel spreadsheet at home, my official weigh in today was 112.2kg (247.5lbs).

Ups & (mostly) Downs

I want to document some of my feelings over the past 3 weeks because it definitely hasn't all been sunshines and rainbows. Right now I'm feeling really good, but I need to constantly remind myself that this feeling isn't permanent. Life's hard sometimes.

Right after my first weigh in was one of the lowest points in the entire 3 weeks. As a part of how that entire evening went, I ended up doing quite a bit in the lead up and after the weigh in itself. First, my buddy had to run some errands, so I arrived at his place about an hour "too early." No big deal, I'll go for a walk around his village and wait it out. I walked about 4km and when I got back to my car where I had parked it in front of his house, I stepped into a shadow on the street and twisted my ankle on a curb. It was fucking excruciating. I finally experienced the feeling of nausea on the verge of puking that others have talked about after a massive injury. Luckily, I held it in, but damn, that sucked. I managed to limp the 3 meters to my car and sat down with my leg sticking out while I sucked down some water. After 5 grueling minutes, I started to feel a bit better but was left with a heavy aching feeling in my now swollen ankle. About that time, my friend got home, I weighed in, and then left.

That same evening, I had made plans to hang out with another friend. Through gritted teeth, I drove about 90 minutes to his place. We had made plans to shoot some pool at a bar nearby and from about 9pm to 11:30 we hung out, drank a couple of beers and talked about life. Alles was goed. However, in no point through this entire evening had I eaten anything. Everything in the small town was closed and my friend was paying for the drinks and pool so it seemed to rude to pile on a meal's worth of snacks on the tab.

After leaving his place, I desperately scoured Google to see what was still open between our two towns. There was a KFC and a McDonalds but both would be closed by the time I got there. I checked the couple of places in my town and one pizza joint said they were open until 2am. From previous experience, those times are not always accurate, so I was skeptical. I had been thinking about food all day. I had waited patiently for the weigh-in, knowing I could eat something afterwards. But now I was fucking ravenous. Around 1am, I pulled into the parking space in front of my house, and before even going inside, locked the car and walked towards the restaurant.

I ended up ordering 2 pizzas. I unlocked the front door, set the food down, and went hunting for some pain meds. After drugging up, I propped my foot up, turned on the tv and settled into the ritual.

Now, if you remember dear reader, my healthy habits had begun again in December. Up until this point, I had been doing pretty good on the diet front. Now, something about eating a whole pizza by myself made me feel disgusting, let alone two. But I did it. I managed to stop after the first one and stuck the second one in the fridge. Thirty minutes later however, I went back to the pantry and snacked on some pretzels and peanut butter. After the carb coma kicked in, I fell asleep on the couch with the tv on in the background.

Around 5am, I woke up and decided I should go get in bed since I was likely to sleep for at least another 5 hours or so. I stumbled into the bedroom and when I was almost in bed, something in my ankle was triggered and I let out what must have been a fairly loud wince. Alanna woke up and was worried about me. She had already been asleep when I got home hours earlier. I told her that I had twisted my ankle and it hurt quite a lot. She was worried enough to get out of bed and take a look at it and get me some more meds. Thanks babe <3

Long story short, I spent the next 2 days "bedridden" with my ankle propped up. On day 3, I could walk around, but it still hurt a bit, and by day 4 it was mostly normal except for a few specific movements. Even today, 3 weeks later, I can still twist it and feel a pang of something... but those 2 days, jeeezus, I ate like absolute shit. That other pizza? Breakfast the next morning. Idk what else I had, but it wasn't good. Probably a kilo of peanut butter. Some frozen fries? It's been too long to remember the rest of the details, but I still feel guilty.

I'm not proud of it. I knew in my head that I shouldn't do it, but I did it anyway.

Coping

I just went back and looked. January 19 was the day I started walking again. So I was out of commission for a week in terms of exercise. Since then though, I've hit my movement goals of 5km~ per day walking and standing at least 10 hours a day. Most days it is 12+, but if I sleep in on the weekends, I can have trouble hitting 10 hours before midnight if I get sucked into something, which is usually a good thing! I'd rather be playing video games than obsessing over food.

But that's the key word I think. Obsessing. Some times are harder than others. I haven't really figured out a pattern to the cravings yet. At this point, I just accept having no reason. I want to get rid of some of the extra food in the house, but it's not fair to my wife that I can't control myself. Luckily, I've been 90% successful not digging into her snacks if I break under the pressure.

Healthier snacks has been something I've thought about. 500g of grapes is a lot fewer calories than 200g of potato chips. I try to start my meals with a huge salad now. I literally eat it out of a large mixing bowl. Starting with that much fiber has been helpful for making me feel satiated earlier so I don't overeat. Granted, putting 500 calories of toppings on top of the salad is also not great, but I keep telling myself that it's better than the alternative. Cope.

I'm watching a lot of YouTube content around fasting. I went back to the Snake Diet guy. Jesus that dude is fucking WILD. Screaming at you like a drill sergeant, with a vocabulary to match. Granted, that's probably the pot calling the kettle black. Though I like to think my vocabulary is not that stunted. 😅

I find it so cathartic though. A dude screaming at you for an hour reminding you of all of your flaws. Reminding you that you're not special. You're not different than anyone else. At the end of the day, if you really want something, you're gonna put in the effort. It's a nice change of pace. Even I, the heretical and delusional lefty of the family, am getting a bit tired of the safe spaces and woke culture that others in my age bracket are running hog wild with. I get it, I really and truly do, but damn, I got other things to think about in life than worrying about using trigger words when speaking to myself. I'll talk however I damn well please in the comfort of my own mind. Don't try to cancel someone else for expressing a point of view. Just offer your rebuttal and move the fuck on. Sorry, more cope I guess.

Final thoughts

Well, this is already over 1500 words, so I should probably wrap it up. This is what I'm dealing with. I know the tone of this post has trended downward despite starting on a high note, but that's fine too. Life isn't all sunshines and puppies. For today I feel good. Tomorrow, we'll see.

As always, if you want to chat or leave a comment, head over to one of my social media links and hit me up (or email). If you had reached out previously and I didn't respond, try me again. I might have forgotten or didn't see the ping. You know how Twitter is these days. 💩

My next weigh-in is likely 4 weeks away exactly. The new goal is 2 more kilos by then. See ya. ✌️