New Year's Resolutions

I'm a bit late to the party here, but I've basically been participating in some New Year resolutions so I thought I would write about them. Though definitely cliche, this start of the year has been a renewed focus on physical health. I didn't write any goals down for last year and I can't find any in my drafts so I think it's safe to say that they didn't exist. However, I did have a general exercise routine that was very succesful!

#Exercise

In 2025 I walked 2,858km - up from 2,570 in 2024. This year, I'm aiming for 3,000+. To achieve that goal, I set an aggressive target of 7km per day, up from around 5km (some days were less/more depending on the route). I managed to do 7km for exactly two days before I had snipped off enough corners on a new route to bring it down to around 6.5km instead. To hit the goal, I need to walk around 8.25km per day in total, so that's 2km to cover walking to the train (1km each way), my walk from the bus stop to work (another 1km), office day lunch walks (1.5-2km/3x/week), walks to the supermarket (500m round trip) and general errands around town.

While I probably could have reached the 3,000km marker without the increased daily target, it does allow for a bit of extra slack on vacation/travel or when I'm sick. I also get to up my Apple watch ring goals to keep me motivated, which so far has been enough. At this point, I'm pretty confident that I can hit this goal but I also realize that going much further above and beyond this annual target is not really feasible. I spend 90 minutes per day walking and it's a significant chunk out of my free time in a week, especially when paired with professional and personal obligations. I am really proud of what I achieved last year and I can now more reliably feel my mental and physical state decline if I skip a day for whatever reason.

#Diet & Weight Loss

This one is really where it all comes to a head. Last year, if I'm being honest, was not terrible. I gained roughly 5kg over the year on average, but I did a terrible job tracking my progress and would often try to ignore it instead of facing my problems head on. There were entire seasons where I didn't once step on the scale for fear of seeing a number that would send me into a spiral of shame and guilt that would then spiral into binge eating for the evening.

I still binged some. Not as much, but it did happen. This market vendor I've gotten to know is always trying to hawk me his new stuff and I caved in to the chicken nuggets a few too many times. We also got an airfryer for Christmas in 2024 and it actually saw a lot of action in 2025.

Side note: Airfryer. I was skeptical. I shouldn't be suprised seeing as I've always been a big proponent of toaster ovens, and even now our only "oven" is a Breville Sage Smart Oven Pro - aka the fanciest of toaster ovens. Marketing them as airfryers is indeed stupid. It's a countertop convection oven that heats very quickly and the common shape with a handle and basket does make it incredibly convenient to cook certain types of foods. If you're thinking about buying one, I think it's worth it - just make sure to buy one that is easy to clean (skip the tiny window as it gets super dirty and you can't see shit through it anyway).

I can remember days of eating 800g of frozen peas and probably a kilo of chicken... and a bag of chips (with dip), and pilfering some of my wife's chocolate, and a PB&J sandwich. Meh. I never felt good afterwards and I usually regretted it as soon as I went to bed and couldn't sleep because I was so literally stuffed.

But reality is, binging, it works. I don't know if I've written that here before, but it's true. When I have a bad day at work, or I read something horrific on the news (oh yea, don't get me started on the clown in the White House), I just wanted to feel anything else than those terrible feelings. So why not a double whammy of temporary comfort and distraction? And that's the keyword that is so easy to overlook and ignore in the moment; temporary.

It's probably a bit dramatic to describe it as being punched in the face or hit by a car, but in that split second, you'd probably give almost anything to not feel pain anymore. I'm sure this is what a lot of people who contemplait suicide think about... I'm hurting right now, but I could make it all stop for just a second... Don't worry, I'm not in any danger of killing myself, but I think it's naieve to ignore the parallels, especially now that I have dealt with two suicides in my immediate family in my life.

So yea, where was I going with this? Oh right, diet. The past three weeks have seen a new injection of motivation around fasting and weight loss. I didn't really start the year off with fasting as a goal, but it's kinda morphed into one. With the extra walking and three days at the office (including catered lunches), throwing in a 48 hour fast was just something I thought I'd try as bit of novelty in my workweek - can I make it from lunch on Tuesday to lunch on Thursday, thereby cutting some food budget usage at home? I had done it a couple of times in 2025, but after the holiday's money is always tight and we were waiting on Alanna's first paycheck from her new job, so win-win. As previously blogged, I'm a sucker for saving money so it was a good motivator. €10/day is not abnormal to spend at the supermarket, and that's just to buy ingredients to cook dinner for myself.

In the previous three weeks from January 13 to February 7, I've gone from 112kg to 105.7kg (I tried to just write 106 but I couldn't do it). I'm not naieve in believing that this is all hardcore fat loss and at least half it water weight that will come back immediately, but that is still a solid 3-4kg of real progress in just as many weeks. That is well within socially acceptable ranges and what is deemed safe by doctors, though admittedly, most would categorize it as "aggressive".

In the past two weeks, I've eat 5 or 6 meals. I've kinda got a bit of a rolling 72 hour fast schedule going, but I haven't settled on anything yet. There are quite a few fasting communities online that find 72 hours to be a sweet spot for rolling fasts, since it's often possible to refeed in a way that will replenish crucial nutrients, but you don't need to be as careful as after a 7+ day fast. I also find that I don't need to supplement with electrolytes as aggressively for anything 3 days and under. Paired with my new 90 minute daily walks, the results have been tangible. A pair of pants fits can be buttoned again, my belt constantly needs tightening, and I'm cold. All good signs considering it's still 5 degrees celcius outside!

So as a tangible goal, I guess I do have a few things. First, I want to be able to wear my nice peacoat that I purchased way back in 2019 as a gift to myself for losing all the weight originally. In fact, I just went back to my photos and found one of myself wearing the jacket on November 23, 2019 (the Saturday before Thanksgiving) and I even had a weigh in from the 18th of 103.5kg; just about 2kg less than what I weigh now. So yea, I'm pretty close, and perhaps I can wear it at least a few times before it gets too warm. I guess that's another bonus of living in Western Europe now... Spring is not that much warmer!

The second goal is also tangible, but I have to be honest with my expectations. I would love to really reach my target weight goal of 80kg. For my American readers out there, that is 175lbs, and at just a smidge under 6ft tall (I am 180cm), This would move me from just over the line of obese into the high range of "healthy" on a BMI chart. Sure, I know the BMI is flawed in lots of different ways, but it's a decent guideline what I consider my goals to be this year. I don't really want to build a ton of extra muscle on top of what I already have in my legs from walking so much, so I'm considering this an okay target.

If I don't reach that target weight, I'm not really going to be upset, but I might be a little bummed out at the end of the year. I'm also going to stay mindful of my other health related goals and if I do happen to take up a physically active sport and put on a lot more muscle or something, I'm not gong to feel bad about not hitting that 80kg target.

#The ultimatum?

Now, in addition to these two "positive" health goals, I do also have 1 "negative" goal. I do not, under almost any circumstances, want to cross back over 100kg once I get below that threshold this year. I know I need to stay realistic around refeeding and water weight and that once the scale dips below 100, it's likely to go back up for a week or two after depending on how aggressively I'm fasting and dietting. I've already got some psycological tricks tumbling around in my head of how to tango with that reality when I get there, but I'm pretty sure that I can perservere through that blip in history.

I think it will be important to find some different measurements to hold myself accountable when I get to that first goal of <100kg. I don't really want to buy a ton of new clothes, but I think I will likely go buy a new pair of pants to wear as a way to keep myself in check. If they just barely fit in the store when I reach the target, that should be a good indicator to myself when I need to dial back in. I've also thought about buying a new belt with actual holes (what can I say, fat guy likes the adjustable ones!) so I can keep track of progress that way. I do also have my nice jacket, so if it gets too tight, it's another sign.

Now you're probably thinking, Daron, why don't you just weigh yourself every day? Well, I probably will between now and this summer, but I know now from past experience that it can be really easy for me to ignore the scale after key moments throughout the year when I know that I've probably gained weight, namely vacations and holidays. Looking back at my logs, every vacation and holiday has a gap. This is not inherently bad, especially considering that I don't fly international with my bathroom scale, but it is a pattern. I get back from 2 weeks away, eating tons of tasty BBQ in Texas, or indulding for a few nights away over Thanksgiving and some part of me just doesn't want to face reality in that moment and so I skip the scale. 1 day. 2 days. 3 days. A month. Then when I do finally gather the courage to face reality, it slaps me in the face with a number I don't want to see. This further plays into the guilt spiral and I stop altogether. Rinse and repeat. I've yo-yo'd the same 15kg for the past 3 years and I'm tired of it... but I also said that last time.

So yea, I'm writing this down to get my thoughts out of my head and into reality. To remind myself of what is true, in the face of my lying feelings. Feelings exist to keep us safe, not to necessarily convey what is happening in the real world. I have come a long way from the 140kg of my youth. That kid had a shit-ton of adversity and hardship to deal with and food made things better. But now I'm a man, hopefully one day to be a father, and I want better for my family and for myself. I moved to the Netherlands for a different life and I owe it to myself to try, again and again and again, until I reach my goals. Until I can see myself as the person that I really am and not just a number I've assigned myself.

I'm not there yet. I struggle with these self deprecating thoughts on a daily, and sometimes hour-by-hour basis. Life is hard enough as it is, why should I make it harder on myself by imposing so many bullshit restrictions on myself? Well, that's the thing; either way is going to be hard, but I'm choosing this version. Nobody has a gun to my head. There are no deadlines beyond death itself. Until that day comes, I get to decide what I'm going to do next.

So for this season, it's going for a 90 minute walk every day, rain or shine or snow. It's fasting for 4-5 days per week. It's choosing healthier food options that bias away from binging and setting myself up for success by taking every meal one day at a time. I'm taking life one day at a time.

#Other goals

The irony is not lost on me, given my last sentence, in that I do have some other goals that require a bit more foresight and planning. I'm still attending my fantasy book club, with meetings being held entirely in Dutch!, and plan to do so for the forseeable future. I also have a more general reading goal of 1 book per month in Dutch. I did technically finish one in January (started in 2025) but I'm counting it. I have 21 more days to find and finish another one... 😬

At work, it's not clear to me if I've taken on more responsibility, but seeing as our most senior developer left at the beginning of the year, the few other senior devs on the project are having to pick up the slack he left behind. In addition to general work load, I now speak Dutch at the office 100% of the time with colleagues within my department. I don't suspect that trend will reverse, but I do want to find a way to prioritize continued language education throughout the year. I'm trying to find some TV shows that I like, and I have noticed that watching them is a bit more relaxing for me now than it was a year ago. What hasn't gotten easier is keeping up with the trends in software development, but I could write an entire post on my musings around AI and the tech world in general.

This month, I will likely purchase my first motorcycle on the European continent. I'm looking forward to riding again and going on a few trips! There is a short trip scheduled with some church friends this Spring that I need to prepare myself for, which means lots of evenings in the saddle exploring and honing my atrophied skills. Not to mention it will be nice to have another vehicle in case I really need to get somewhere and Alanna isn't back from work yet. Public transportation in NL is great, but compared to driving in our part of the country, it's still oftentimes twice as slow as driving yourself, and with a motorcycle, parking is much less of a headache if I need to go into the city.

#Final Thoughts

So yea, that's the start of my 2026. I didn't even really mention the absolute batshit insane start spearheaded by the American government, but that's a different blog post. As you can all clearly read, I have enough of my own shit to deal with.

This really has been cathartic. It took about 2 hours to write this down and I feel a lot better about the weeks and months ahead. I'm also not hungry anymore, which was the original reason I started writing (to take my mind off of it).

No matter when you read this, I hope you take time to care for yourself and make a conscious decision to take the next small step in the right direction. You're worth it.

✌️